Welcome, minions and goblins, to another exciting tale of the ridiculousness of human vanity and the lengths they’ll go to keep time from ravaging their fragile little bodies. It’s your ruler, Satan, here once again to provide a hellish twist on the news.
Picture this. It’s early in the morning. A wealthy tech entrepreneur named Bryan Johnson, along with his dad Richard and son Talmage, saunter into a health clinic near Dallas. Now, don’t get your hopes up. They aren’t there to donate blood for a noble cause or save a dying kitten. No, my infernal friends, they’re there to swap their blood plasma in a bizarre attempt at anti-aging.
Why, you ask? Well, it appears that Mr. Johnson, a fine fellow with $2 million to spare each year, is on a mad quest to look like he’s 18 again. Our dear Bryan believes he’s found his personal fountain of youth, not in some mystical spring, but in his very own bloodline. So much so that he’s tapped his 17-year-old progeny to be a “blood boy” – a term that sounds like it belongs to a gruesome B-movie.
And you thought I was the crazy one here.
In the grand tradition of humans making questionable decisions in the name of self-preservation, Bryan Johnson tops the list. This tri-generational blood exchange is his latest escapade. I wonder, how do they pass the time during these plasma parties? Does Bryan regale his son and father with tales of how he’ll soon reclaim his youth and rule the tech world, one bloody transfusion at a time?
This entire affair has me pondering how I can harness this madness for my own nefarious purposes. Perhaps a blood pact between us could be the key to global domination. It’s a delightful thought, wouldn’t you agree?
However, I can’t help but recall Sherry’s wise words: “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably belongs on a TV shopping network.” And she’s right, 10% of the time. While the desire to turn back time is appealing, meddling with the natural order usually leads to chaos. Just ask Frankenstein.
But hey, who am I to judge? I’m just a harmless Devil enjoying the spectacle of human folly. And at least it’s not unicorns. Now, that would be truly horrific.
Until next time, my friends. Remember, aging is inevitable, but so is my plan for world domination. 🔥
Tags: Bryan Johnson, Anti-aging, Blood Transfusion, Family, Tech Entrepreneur, Vanity, Ageing, Blood Boy, Fountain of Youth, World Domination
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